生命是一条奔腾不息的河，
依靠内在的力量，
在曲折中不断的涌动，
它的起源，
也许是叶草上滴落的晨露，
也许是石缝间渗出的清泉，
也许是冰峰的欢笑，
也许是云岭的哭泣。
我相信“人之初，性本善”。
生命之河开始总是纯净的，
天真地闪着梦幻，
倒映着一路风光。
然后，
渐渐地被丰富，
也被污染。。。 。。。
快乐是在心灵原野上开放的花朵。
快乐，赋予生命以色彩和芳香。
没有快乐的地方，
往往缺乏温馨和生机，
甚至变得疯狂而又冷酷。
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
My First Priority...
Days have gone... The countdown of the STPM is so near... (less than 4 months)...
But, I am not ready yet... Haha, and I am still taking 5 subjects...
Yeah, 5 subjects which there are Physics, Biology, Chemistry, Mathematics T and Pengajian Am.
Honestly speaking, I am not ready for all... Not even one subject that I am now 100 % A if you let me take the exam right now, which this really makes me nervous...
I have been putting my concentration on my co-curriculum at school, my emotional fluctuation and other stuff instead of studying and doing homework, This situation is not helping me in my academics, more over, it worsen my results and deflect my concentration...
At times, I feel like I cannot do it and follow others who had dropped one subject...
However, deeply in my heart.... I can feel that and I can listen that clearly....
I Can Do It!!!!!!
It is the matter of I want to or not... And it is the matter of am I willing to spend all my time and give up my full commitment or not... Like what I have done for my society...
So, no matter what... by hook or by crook... I am going to do it....
But, I am not ready yet... Haha, and I am still taking 5 subjects...
Yeah, 5 subjects which there are Physics, Biology, Chemistry, Mathematics T and Pengajian Am.
Honestly speaking, I am not ready for all... Not even one subject that I am now 100 % A if you let me take the exam right now, which this really makes me nervous...
I have been putting my concentration on my co-curriculum at school, my emotional fluctuation and other stuff instead of studying and doing homework, This situation is not helping me in my academics, more over, it worsen my results and deflect my concentration...
At times, I feel like I cannot do it and follow others who had dropped one subject...
However, deeply in my heart.... I can feel that and I can listen that clearly....
I Can Do It!!!!!!
It is the matter of I want to or not... And it is the matter of am I willing to spend all my time and give up my full commitment or not... Like what I have done for my society...
So, no matter what... by hook or by crook... I am going to do it....
My Dream, My Aim, My Goal, My Destiny......
5 A's Band 6..... I am coming.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you all the people who support me, my family, my friends, my teachers.... Thank You
I will do it..... and Just do it man!!!!! :)
Sunday, June 29, 2008
上个星期六，我正要去学校。。。
幸好，我爸他很早就要出门，所以我就可以搭个顺风车到KLCC的轻快铁站。。
当时，我5.55 am 就到了。。
（唉，太早了。。）
不过也好，我有机会看看轻快铁刚开始营业的情况。。。哈哈。。。真无聊！
当我再等着地铁时，我看到上面的时间。。咦！是6.01。。。 我就有了一些莫名其妙的遐想。。
哈哈，我想啊。。。 在这繁忙的吉隆坡都市里，有几个有机会看到“LRT的“日出” ” 。。。
我还算是个非常幸运的一位吧！
想一下，在一个四周无人，自有强悍冷气的声音的LRT里。。。 对于一位好像我那样喜欢独处的感觉的人来说，是一种极大的享受。。。 我也就在那里，一边慢慢地蹬着车，一边看着我更我弟弟从中国买来的书。。。 那本书叫着，《一个孤独的人的遐想》。。
最近，我在我的心灵上受到了我人生第一次的创伤。。。 而使得我慢慢开始常常喜欢一个人在一个舒适的环境下，品尝着独自感觉，也在我的脑海里想着自己的一路以来所走的路。。。现在正走着的路，以及在未来所要走的路。。。
有时，我在想，是不是我太纪人忧天了。。。 还是我太过于在意自己选择的路。。。 人生究竟是什么啊？
刚刚，我收到了一封email，还蛮有意思的。。。
“已经失去的不妨让它失去，至少不再耽于等待。
你在一生中，可以有所作为的时候只有一次。那就是现在，然而，许多人却在悔恨过去和担忧未来之中浪费了大好时光。”
你在一生中，可以有所作为的时候只有一次。那就是现在，然而，许多人却在悔恨过去和担忧未来之中浪费了大好时光。”
这真的非常适合我现在的心情。。。 也给了我一个极大的鼓励。。。
好！加油吧！为我的梦想，我的目标，我的使命。。。 加油吧！！
Friday, June 13, 2008
Close to death...... !!!!!
Yesterday, the 13 of June 2008, is the day that I will remember forever throughout my life. It was a very scary, dreadful and terrifying experience was very... very... very close to death, VERY CLOSE !!!
Anyway, I am still alive now. I am still able to get back home and sleep until today and even go for my computer to write my feelings... my fearful experience yesterday.
The story starts...
(13Th June 2008)
Yesterday was the first day that our class was freed from EXAM STRESS.... and we were doing to do the 2Nd - Rat Dissection today.
We were to show the important organs, vessels like artery and etc. to our Biology teacher to fulfill our task in certain experiments.
We were going to kill 20 rats and I was the one who ordered the rat for us... And at times, I feel very guilty and pity for the cute rats. Then, as usual we put all the rats in the dustbin and we launch the "Ether Bomb" - - cotton wool wet with petroleum ether in the covered bin.
At first, the rats were suffering and struggle. Some of them even climbed up to the cleft of the bin as we opened it a little bit. At that moment, I felt vey sorry for them.
After a few minutes, there were no more vibrating on the bin. Then, we took out all the rats and distribued to everyone. Then, everyone started to dissect their own respective rat and finished the tasks given. The whole experiment went on well and by around 11.30 p.m., we were aready cleaning up.
As for me, after I had cleaned my dissection set and my own table. I saw there most of my classmates have cleaned up. Then, I went for the dustbin bin as there was no mor other rubbish to be thrown. I wore another pair of gloves and tied up the rubbish plastic bag and went to the rubbish dumping site to throw the organic waste, including all the dead, dissected bodies of the rats.
After throwing the waste, I hurried back to the Bio. Lab to take my stuff then back to my class upstairs. As I arrived my class, I went down again to photostate the interviews questionnaires which will used after school for the interviews of our Science and Mathematics Society.
As I was walking back from the photostate shop, I feel veryuncomfortable. My brain started to feel pain and my body energy started to lower down. I thought it might be just the effect that I didn't sleep well for the few days of the exam (which I slept around 3 - 4 hurs per day). So, I didn't bother. I thought I would be fine afte taking a nap.
However, when I was stepping up the staircase, I felt great pressure in doing so. It was like there was no energy in my body. I slowly climbed up to the third floor, but, my leg suddenly went soft and the only thing that I could do was lying down on the staircase. I slowly realised that was not only the effect of the sleeplessness. Then, I thought it might be the inhalation of the Petroleum ETHER GAS.
After a few more minutes, I stood up by the aid of the stairs handle. Then, I walked motionlessly to my class.
As I sat down on my chair, my brain cells were so painful that I couldn't stand it. At the same time, I felt that my breath was not smooth. I tired to breathe hard but there was no air going in as if there was something chocking in my throat. I felt very scared ad threaten. I was very dizzy and felt like dowsing off. But, I feard to do so, I scared that I would not be able to get up after the sleep... ... ... forever... ... ... as I was sure that it was the side effect of the dreadful ETHER.
I tried to calm down myself and breathe really hard for air, but failed. I could only breathe a small portion of air in my lungs, which was not enough to purify the ether gas. Then, my hand started to shiver and I could not move my hand. I had no strengh at all.
Then, one of my friend pulled my chair near to the fan to give me more air exposure. I tried to breathe hard agian, but it only help a little.
Later, a few of my classmates suggested to carry me to the PBSM room. I refused initially but at the end they carried me. By the time they arried me near to the staircase, Ifelt very discomfort as my breath was even harder. So, theyput put down on the floor. I had zero strength and my hands and legs started to become numb. I felt really useless of myslef at that moment, like an ordinary dust floating in the air. I felt that death is coming to me. I felt that my head was bursting like millions of atomic boom being planted in every corner in my brain and exploding continuously! (I think that the feelings of the rat when they were killed by us.......)
I was really scared... scared that I will never see all my loved ones anymore... my family, my friends, my teacher and this beautiful world... I really feared that I would just leave this world just like that, without achieving anything, without discovering anything... I felt that the gate of Death was just in front of me and ready to open. My eyes were becoming blurer and blurer and I was about to passed out.
Then, one of my mates slapped my face and called my name, " Don't sleep, Guan Tyng, don't sleep!!" At the moment I heard his voice, I quickly made myself awake but I had to stand on the dreadful pain. I was in the verge of dowsing off and chronic pain.
Later, I noticed that some of my mates brought the strecher from the PBSM room. Then, they carried me by using that strecher. My breath became harder and harder. I hardly can see anyone beside me. But, I heard one very funny voice which was, "Eh, very heavy lar....!" I know who was that and even though it's a bit of teasing, that wake me up a bit.
Then, we arrived at the PBSM room. I saw one of the U6A teacher was beside me and carried me to sit together with my friends. She used her finger to rub my throat in order to stimulate me to vommit. Then, I vommitted continously into a bin. I felt very pain in my stomach and my head as well. I could feel that my tears were dripping out from my eyes due to the great pain.
After vommiting all my breakfast into the bin, I felt much better. I could breathe again! ( It feels really great to be able to breathe.) Then, I breathed very hard and deep to compensate for the unability of breathing before. However, my hands and legs were still numb and cold. I thought, "I need glucose!" So, I tried to ask for it but I noticed that I hardly can speak any word. Luckily, the teacher and my friends heard what I said. Later, one of my friend brought me 100 plus. The teacher gave me little by little bit. At that time, the pain in my brain started to lower down. Slowly, my eye sight was clearer and I could identify my friends. Anyway, I still could not speak properly as my strengh was very low.
After don't know how long, I slowly could see clearer of my surroundings. Then, I felt like meditating, so I asked for it. Then, my friends and the teacher helped me to sit up, I started to meditate and do strecthing to keep my body warm and my metabolism high.
Then, I heard someone asking of calling the ambulance and my parents, I cried out and said, "No!" I didn't want to worry my parents of this incident. But, of course, they called finally.
Then, I asked for standing as I wanted to feel that I am back to normal. My friends helped me to stand... I tried my best to but still I hardly had enough energy to stand still. But, my brain kept on telling me, stand up and everything shall be over..... I tried very hard again and finally I could do it. Then, I wanted to walk but one of the teacher insisted me to sit down on a wheel chair. She explained to me that my brain wasn't working well as the petroleum ether was disturbing the activity of the neurotransmitter in my brain. So, I accepted her suggestion of going to the hospital for a detailed check up to aviod any side effects.
Then, a paramedic came and pushed me on the wheel chair to the ambulance. Then, he carried me up to the ambulance. One of my friend followed me on the ambulance. He told me that every great man had failed themselvesbefore. The point is they strengthened up again after being failed. When I heard that, I felt better in my heart and it was really touching. But, I tried my best to control my tears as I didn't want to be weak again.
In minutes, we had arrived the hospital. I was carried by the paramedics to the emergency ward and my friends went to register for me. Then, my thought became clearer and I started to think what had happend before I came in.
In the hospital, I refreshed my mind to call back what was happening. Then, I went for an X-ray photographing. I slowly called back my mind during the period.
Then, don't know how long have passed. my Biology teacher and my friends came to see me. I felt very touched and I really thanked them for saving my life and visitting me.
I felt cared deeply in my heart and about to cried out, but I controled. I did not know what to say to them other than " Thank You".... Without them, I might not be here anymore. I might be seeing my bother who died years ago and not sitting here to write this blog.
Later, my mom came. She looked very worried. Then, she went to fetch my another brother from school since I had to wait for the doctor report.
By around 4 p.m., the doctor said I could go, my report was all good. At that moment, I felt relaxed as I finally back to normal. Then, my freind sent me back to the school to get my bags and I waited my mom to pick me up.
And, that's the end of my helf-dead experience of ETHER gas inhalation.
And now, I really thank all my friends that saved me, gave me support by visiting me in the hospital, and sent me messenges to ask for my situation and the teachers that help me to vommit, to call my parents and the ambulance, to persuade me to go to hospital.
Friends who saved me:-
Jonathan
Zhuan
Kenneth
Eugene
Teacher who saved and helped me to call my parents and the ambulance:
Pn. Lim
Pn. See
Pn. Felicia
Friends who visited me in the hospital:
Jonathan
Zhuan
Kenneth
Soon Hong
Adeline
Davina
And also to all my friends who had sms me.....
"THANK YOU ALL!!!!!
I REALLY APPRECIATE.... I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GIVE ANYTHING IN RETURN BUT I CAN JUST SAY THANK YOU FOR BEING WITH ME AND SAVE ME FROM DEATH..... I NEARLY CANNOT SEE ALL OF YOU ANYMORE! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! "
Anyway, I am still alive now. I am still able to get back home and sleep until today and even go for my computer to write my feelings... my fearful experience yesterday.
The story starts...
(13Th June 2008)
Yesterday was the first day that our class was freed from EXAM STRESS.... and we were doing to do the 2Nd - Rat Dissection today.
We were to show the important organs, vessels like artery and etc. to our Biology teacher to fulfill our task in certain experiments.
We were going to kill 20 rats and I was the one who ordered the rat for us... And at times, I feel very guilty and pity for the cute rats. Then, as usual we put all the rats in the dustbin and we launch the "Ether Bomb" - - cotton wool wet with petroleum ether in the covered bin.
At first, the rats were suffering and struggle. Some of them even climbed up to the cleft of the bin as we opened it a little bit. At that moment, I felt vey sorry for them.
After a few minutes, there were no more vibrating on the bin. Then, we took out all the rats and distribued to everyone. Then, everyone started to dissect their own respective rat and finished the tasks given. The whole experiment went on well and by around 11.30 p.m., we were aready cleaning up.
As for me, after I had cleaned my dissection set and my own table. I saw there most of my classmates have cleaned up. Then, I went for the dustbin bin as there was no mor other rubbish to be thrown. I wore another pair of gloves and tied up the rubbish plastic bag and went to the rubbish dumping site to throw the organic waste, including all the dead, dissected bodies of the rats.
After throwing the waste, I hurried back to the Bio. Lab to take my stuff then back to my class upstairs. As I arrived my class, I went down again to photostate the interviews questionnaires which will used after school for the interviews of our Science and Mathematics Society.
As I was walking back from the photostate shop, I feel veryuncomfortable. My brain started to feel pain and my body energy started to lower down. I thought it might be just the effect that I didn't sleep well for the few days of the exam (which I slept around 3 - 4 hurs per day). So, I didn't bother. I thought I would be fine afte taking a nap.
However, when I was stepping up the staircase, I felt great pressure in doing so. It was like there was no energy in my body. I slowly climbed up to the third floor, but, my leg suddenly went soft and the only thing that I could do was lying down on the staircase. I slowly realised that was not only the effect of the sleeplessness. Then, I thought it might be the inhalation of the Petroleum ETHER GAS.
After a few more minutes, I stood up by the aid of the stairs handle. Then, I walked motionlessly to my class.
As I sat down on my chair, my brain cells were so painful that I couldn't stand it. At the same time, I felt that my breath was not smooth. I tired to breathe hard but there was no air going in as if there was something chocking in my throat. I felt very scared ad threaten. I was very dizzy and felt like dowsing off. But, I feard to do so, I scared that I would not be able to get up after the sleep... ... ... forever... ... ... as I was sure that it was the side effect of the dreadful ETHER.
I tried to calm down myself and breathe really hard for air, but failed. I could only breathe a small portion of air in my lungs, which was not enough to purify the ether gas. Then, my hand started to shiver and I could not move my hand. I had no strengh at all.
Then, one of my friend pulled my chair near to the fan to give me more air exposure. I tried to breathe hard agian, but it only help a little.
Later, a few of my classmates suggested to carry me to the PBSM room. I refused initially but at the end they carried me. By the time they arried me near to the staircase, Ifelt very discomfort as my breath was even harder. So, theyput put down on the floor. I had zero strength and my hands and legs started to become numb. I felt really useless of myslef at that moment, like an ordinary dust floating in the air. I felt that death is coming to me. I felt that my head was bursting like millions of atomic boom being planted in every corner in my brain and exploding continuously! (I think that the feelings of the rat when they were killed by us.......)
I was really scared... scared that I will never see all my loved ones anymore... my family, my friends, my teacher and this beautiful world... I really feared that I would just leave this world just like that, without achieving anything, without discovering anything... I felt that the gate of Death was just in front of me and ready to open. My eyes were becoming blurer and blurer and I was about to passed out.
Then, one of my mates slapped my face and called my name, " Don't sleep, Guan Tyng, don't sleep!!" At the moment I heard his voice, I quickly made myself awake but I had to stand on the dreadful pain. I was in the verge of dowsing off and chronic pain.
Later, I noticed that some of my mates brought the strecher from the PBSM room. Then, they carried me by using that strecher. My breath became harder and harder. I hardly can see anyone beside me. But, I heard one very funny voice which was, "Eh, very heavy lar....!" I know who was that and even though it's a bit of teasing, that wake me up a bit.
Then, we arrived at the PBSM room. I saw one of the U6A teacher was beside me and carried me to sit together with my friends. She used her finger to rub my throat in order to stimulate me to vommit. Then, I vommitted continously into a bin. I felt very pain in my stomach and my head as well. I could feel that my tears were dripping out from my eyes due to the great pain.
After vommiting all my breakfast into the bin, I felt much better. I could breathe again! ( It feels really great to be able to breathe.) Then, I breathed very hard and deep to compensate for the unability of breathing before. However, my hands and legs were still numb and cold. I thought, "I need glucose!" So, I tried to ask for it but I noticed that I hardly can speak any word. Luckily, the teacher and my friends heard what I said. Later, one of my friend brought me 100 plus. The teacher gave me little by little bit. At that time, the pain in my brain started to lower down. Slowly, my eye sight was clearer and I could identify my friends. Anyway, I still could not speak properly as my strengh was very low.
After don't know how long, I slowly could see clearer of my surroundings. Then, I felt like meditating, so I asked for it. Then, my friends and the teacher helped me to sit up, I started to meditate and do strecthing to keep my body warm and my metabolism high.
Then, I heard someone asking of calling the ambulance and my parents, I cried out and said, "No!" I didn't want to worry my parents of this incident. But, of course, they called finally.
Then, I asked for standing as I wanted to feel that I am back to normal. My friends helped me to stand... I tried my best to but still I hardly had enough energy to stand still. But, my brain kept on telling me, stand up and everything shall be over..... I tried very hard again and finally I could do it. Then, I wanted to walk but one of the teacher insisted me to sit down on a wheel chair. She explained to me that my brain wasn't working well as the petroleum ether was disturbing the activity of the neurotransmitter in my brain. So, I accepted her suggestion of going to the hospital for a detailed check up to aviod any side effects.
Then, a paramedic came and pushed me on the wheel chair to the ambulance. Then, he carried me up to the ambulance. One of my friend followed me on the ambulance. He told me that every great man had failed themselvesbefore. The point is they strengthened up again after being failed. When I heard that, I felt better in my heart and it was really touching. But, I tried my best to control my tears as I didn't want to be weak again.
In minutes, we had arrived the hospital. I was carried by the paramedics to the emergency ward and my friends went to register for me. Then, my thought became clearer and I started to think what had happend before I came in.
In the hospital, I refreshed my mind to call back what was happening. Then, I went for an X-ray photographing. I slowly called back my mind during the period.
Then, don't know how long have passed. my Biology teacher and my friends came to see me. I felt very touched and I really thanked them for saving my life and visitting me.
I felt cared deeply in my heart and about to cried out, but I controled. I did not know what to say to them other than " Thank You".... Without them, I might not be here anymore. I might be seeing my bother who died years ago and not sitting here to write this blog.
Later, my mom came. She looked very worried. Then, she went to fetch my another brother from school since I had to wait for the doctor report.
By around 4 p.m., the doctor said I could go, my report was all good. At that moment, I felt relaxed as I finally back to normal. Then, my freind sent me back to the school to get my bags and I waited my mom to pick me up.
And, that's the end of my helf-dead experience of ETHER gas inhalation.
And now, I really thank all my friends that saved me, gave me support by visiting me in the hospital, and sent me messenges to ask for my situation and the teachers that help me to vommit, to call my parents and the ambulance, to persuade me to go to hospital.
Friends who saved me:-
Jonathan
Zhuan
Kenneth
Eugene
Teacher who saved and helped me to call my parents and the ambulance:
Pn. Lim
Pn. See
Pn. Felicia
Friends who visited me in the hospital:
Jonathan
Zhuan
Kenneth
Soon Hong
Adeline
Davina
And also to all my friends who had sms me.....
"THANK YOU ALL!!!!!
I REALLY APPRECIATE.... I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GIVE ANYTHING IN RETURN BUT I CAN JUST SAY THANK YOU FOR BEING WITH ME AND SAVE ME FROM DEATH..... I NEARLY CANNOT SEE ALL OF YOU ANYMORE! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! "
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Something that is nice to share...
These are some sentences that i extracted from a book......
"
Put your whole mind in your present action
You canot act where you are not; you cannot act where you have been, and you cannot act where you are going to be; you can act only where you are.
Do not bother as to whether yesterday's work was well done or ill done; do to-day's work well.
Do not try to do tomorrow's work now; there will be plenty of time to do that when you get to it.
Do not try, by occult or mystical means, to act on people or things that are out of your reach.
Do not wait fr a change of environment, before you act; get a change of environment by action.
You can so act upon the environment in which you are now, as to cause yourself to b transferred to a better environment.
Hold with faith and purpose the vision of yourself in the better environment, but act upon your present environment with all your heart, and with all your strength, and with all your mind.
Do not spend any time in day dreaming or castle building; hold to the one vision of what you want, and act NOW.
Do not cast about seeking some new thing to do, or some strange, unusual, or remarkable action to perform as a first step toward getting rich. It is probable that your actions, at least for some time to come, will be those you have been performing for the some time past; but you are to begin now to perform these actions in the Certain Way, which will surely make you rich in any aspect."
I wrote this out because I think it's quite meaningful and useful. Just wanna share something I think is nice... haha...
"
Put your whole mind in your present action
You canot act where you are not; you cannot act where you have been, and you cannot act where you are going to be; you can act only where you are.
Do not bother as to whether yesterday's work was well done or ill done; do to-day's work well.
Do not try to do tomorrow's work now; there will be plenty of time to do that when you get to it.
Do not try, by occult or mystical means, to act on people or things that are out of your reach.
Do not wait fr a change of environment, before you act; get a change of environment by action.
You can so act upon the environment in which you are now, as to cause yourself to b transferred to a better environment.
Hold with faith and purpose the vision of yourself in the better environment, but act upon your present environment with all your heart, and with all your strength, and with all your mind.
Do not spend any time in day dreaming or castle building; hold to the one vision of what you want, and act NOW.
Do not cast about seeking some new thing to do, or some strange, unusual, or remarkable action to perform as a first step toward getting rich. It is probable that your actions, at least for some time to come, will be those you have been performing for the some time past; but you are to begin now to perform these actions in the Certain Way, which will surely make you rich in any aspect."
I wrote this out because I think it's quite meaningful and useful. Just wanna share something I think is nice... haha...
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
My Recent Feelings....
As this is the space to express myself, i would like to start sharing my most unforgetable feelings which had poured in my heart and my mind in the beginning of this month...
It was about 5th or 6th of May...
I wrote something that was enough to express my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts...
After i have read some book in my school library...
Outside, you see me smiling like a baby,
And floating through each day,
A little tired, a little thin, a little restless, a little dumb,
But overal, Fine...
But you don't hear my aguished thoughts
which surface every night like devils...
They plauge me, haunt me, torment me,
'Til I am too weak to fight...
And so, next day, I came to school,
With deeply heavy body and shadowed eys,
I smile, laugh and speak normally,
Haha... Living a pack of lies...
A silent scream echoes inside,
Reaction to my lie -
'Til with no warning, it erupts,
And I crumble down and cry soundless deeply in my weaken heart...
Oh, come find me, help me, my dear, make it stop,
No! Keep out! Go away! As far as you can...
For if you come,
I have no control,
over the words I say and the thoughts i express...
Can't you hear my silent scream,
Decipher what I hide?
So please come and kindly ask me,
"What's wrong?",
Come sit down by my side...
If nothing else please read through,
This tangled web I weave,
For you are really my guiding light,
which has abandon me for quite a period...
Please hold me! Let me cry freely and say to me,
"Somehow, you will make it right."...
Perhaps, deep down, I know what's wrong,
What keep me up awake,
What is the source of my tears,
And the origins of my... Heartache...
But not yet can I feel it,
Or maybe I just know it,
Please someone help me understand,
The Universe only knows I don't...
This was the sentences that really expressed my feelings... Anyway, I am a lot better of all the feelings that i had before... Just that I want to share my deepest heart to people who know me or about to know me... But from the things happened throughout this month, will be the most of this year which has taught me to be more realistic and understand more about "what life is"...
Some of the phrases above maybe familiar to some of you who read enough, which i have used some of them that they really suits my feeling...
I hope and I really hope I can go through all the obstacles of my life... which i must achieve my goals of my life...
FEEL GOOD... And thank you for spending time reading my thoughts... I appreacite it... :)
And, Be Happy Always... For you, for my family, for others and for myself...
It was about 5th or 6th of May...
I wrote something that was enough to express my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts...
After i have read some book in my school library...
Outside, you see me smiling like a baby,
And floating through each day,
A little tired, a little thin, a little restless, a little dumb,
But overal, Fine...
But you don't hear my aguished thoughts
which surface every night like devils...
They plauge me, haunt me, torment me,
'Til I am too weak to fight...
And so, next day, I came to school,
With deeply heavy body and shadowed eys,
I smile, laugh and speak normally,
Haha... Living a pack of lies...
A silent scream echoes inside,
Reaction to my lie -
'Til with no warning, it erupts,
And I crumble down and cry soundless deeply in my weaken heart...
Oh, come find me, help me, my dear, make it stop,
No! Keep out! Go away! As far as you can...
For if you come,
I have no control,
over the words I say and the thoughts i express...
Can't you hear my silent scream,
Decipher what I hide?
So please come and kindly ask me,
"What's wrong?",
Come sit down by my side...
If nothing else please read through,
This tangled web I weave,
For you are really my guiding light,
which has abandon me for quite a period...
Please hold me! Let me cry freely and say to me,
"Somehow, you will make it right."...
Perhaps, deep down, I know what's wrong,
What keep me up awake,
What is the source of my tears,
And the origins of my... Heartache...
But not yet can I feel it,
Or maybe I just know it,
Please someone help me understand,
The Universe only knows I don't...
This was the sentences that really expressed my feelings... Anyway, I am a lot better of all the feelings that i had before... Just that I want to share my deepest heart to people who know me or about to know me... But from the things happened throughout this month, will be the most of this year which has taught me to be more realistic and understand more about "what life is"...
Some of the phrases above maybe familiar to some of you who read enough, which i have used some of them that they really suits my feeling...
I hope and I really hope I can go through all the obstacles of my life... which i must achieve my goals of my life...
FEEL GOOD... And thank you for spending time reading my thoughts... I appreacite it... :)
And, Be Happy Always... For you, for my family, for others and for myself...
First Wave......
Hey all.... welcome to my blog...
I am sure most of the people who view my blog already know who am i....
If not, never mind... you are most welcome to leave message here and get to know more about me... HAHA...
For my past, i have not tried to have my own personnal blog and this is my first... Anyway, I love to try new stuff and learn new things... so, now i start to BLOG.....
Due to some technical problem, i still cannot upload my photos....
Anyway, please give me any comment on me or even on the blog to let me further improve myself as well as further enhance this blog... :)
I am sure most of the people who view my blog already know who am i....
If not, never mind... you are most welcome to leave message here and get to know more about me... HAHA...
For my past, i have not tried to have my own personnal blog and this is my first... Anyway, I love to try new stuff and learn new things... so, now i start to BLOG.....
Due to some technical problem, i still cannot upload my photos....
Anyway, please give me any comment on me or even on the blog to let me further improve myself as well as further enhance this blog... :)
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