Feelings Sharing...

Πῶς κρινειν；How to choose？

2011-03-01T02:49:00.000-07:00

To be a happy man, Aristotle claims that we have to be “active in the activities that conform with virtue.” And, he also points out, “…For our character is determined by our choosing good or evil, not by the opinions we hold…” and “…Also, a choice is praised for being directed to the proper object or for being correctly made…”

The quotations above suggest that we, as human beings, must be making the RIGHT choice in doing the RIGHT activities which conform with virtue to be happy. But, how?

There are so many things I would like to do/learn in my life, but how can I do all of them before it's too late (i.e.: death, getting old, etc.)? How should I make my choice without regrets? Should I experience all of them and decide which to drop when I meet the threshold? Or, should I focus on one certain thing without finding out which one is "the one"?

Aristotle! You have shown me that making choices deliberately is utterly important in life, but you never tell me the “how”? (At least, I couldn’t get that point reading your “Ethics”).

Oh my δαιμων, could you please help me answering my doubt?

One of the intriguing moments ~

2011-02-05T02:56:00.000-07:00

Just a while ago, I just got back to my dorm room from a Chinese New Year Celebration Dinner.
Oddly enough, I had observed many things, especially people's reactions after drinking. Luckily, people enjoyed the food so much (which it was the product of Ji Yu, Jin Yao, Chun Song and myself ~ ^^). But, it was really interesting that people show out their different side of themselves with the alcoholic effect.

Nothing much, just to write what I feel right now.
Besides seeing many intriguing reactions, it is so weird that these reactions had intrigued my mind.

Memories ~ @Αναμνήσεις@~

2010-10-29T23:48:00.000-06:00

Miles apart, now we are;
old days are distant from when we are.
Life is different, no matter where we are;
memories are still fresh though they are far.

...Look upon those memories we have;
they are the only things that we all share.
Read upon those comments we left;
those are the connections that we will always have ~

~@(^^)@~

The Memories of U6S

Knowing Thyself ? or Not Knowing It?

2010-10-21T01:27:00.008-06:00

Humming, the blowing wind;
clicking, my typing keys.
Wondering, my wandering mind;
where is it leading me to?

Two months in a foreign land,
excited I was in the first few weeks.
Still excited nowadays, yes I am;
but, in a total different way.

Reality strikes me unexpectedly hard,
as time has diluted my initial freshness.
As if my life has just begun,
as I realize that I know nothing about thyself.

Yes, for twenty one years I thought I know a man,
yet, he is now a total stranger to me.
A man who understand nothing;
but knowing that he understands nil.

Feel the chill and sing to the rhyme,
being lost in the world of Auld Lang Syne.
Come, come, my dear stranger,
let's introduce to one another again.

Oh, wordless thought running in my mind,
everything I learned was left behind.
To you my friend, I write these words;
and meet each other again.

~ Responsibility~ ευθύνη

2010-06-29T10:25:00.005-06:00

Blame,
is both hurtful for others and ourselves.

For so many years,
we blame our parents, our teachers, our siblings, our relatives and our friends.

And most of all,
we also blame the environment, the school, the politicians, the terrorists and the government.

However,
do we ever blame ourselves?

"Yes, we do", many will reply;
yet, how frequent do we do that comparing to blaming others?

I have read a book,
which taught me to only blame myself.

Actually, rather than blaming myself,
I know it means take 100% responsibility of my life.

I knew this a year ago,
but I still have not mastered the true art of responsibilities.

From now on,
'blame' shall be erased from my permanent memory.

With this,
no one can affect my life but only myself.

100% Full Responsibility!
Can you do it? Well, I Must!

Just Words ~

2010-06-28T08:53:00.006-06:00

Days going on like normal,
May's already gone by the calender;
my mind's still wondering on the canal
which leads to the spirit tunnel.

I am not sure what am I doin'
for I am a bit lost right now.
Hoping to see the little twilight,
even it's fully surrounded by the darkness.

No ticking sound from the analogue clock on my dashboard,
but only my typing noise and the buzzing of the air-conditioner.
Trying my best to express my immediate feelings now
but to no avail.

Lots had happened in this recent months,
and lots to expect for the next.
There's still a little more to do,
yet it feels like pinnacles to climb.

At times, I doubted myself,
if I really deserves what I am getting.
My self-esteem's reach its edge,
a bridge must be built for its crossing.

Faith is the thing that I need,
and zeal is what I must have.
Only if I can hang on and proceed,
then there will be no regret left.

I know poems always have rhymes,
but i am not even trying to rhyme my words,
as I know that many times,
I am just writing words...

έμπνευση ~ inspiration

2010-05-20T08:58:00.008-06:00

Days passed by,
deadline nearby,
oh, ideas please come by,
before Chance say bye bye.

Life before me,
the times I need to read,
for my goals are there,
which write me the destiny.

Perhaps, my mind is twisted,
because of the useless tempted;
I have to be strong and still,
to avoid my heart to be killed.

Many have asked me,
why do I choose this route;
like a feather in the endless sea,
where is the destination I cannot see.

Passion is the answer I have,
which many would say I am mad,
despite the past i have had,
waste no life with what is left.

Oh, mighty God, Universe or who ever You might be,
the strength and the inspiration is what i need,
to spell out the essence of my life goal,
and to let others inspired of what's in me.

写作

2010-04-23T07:30:00.006-06:00

好久好久没有打字写部落格了，我写作的能力也逐渐生锈。
为了寻找回从前的自己，前几天，我从 Perlis 去到 Jitra，Kedah 小住几天。
在我塔巴士的路途中，我并没有像往年一样，往窗外看看风景，在日记里谢谢感想。由于前一日的疯狂与堕落，我白白浪费了我睡觉休息的时间。我开始对自己有一种不堪的感觉。

不到两个小时，我到达了Alor Setar。站在陌生又有一点熟悉的车站上，我毫无方向的到处乱走，问一问路人 Alor Setar 的购物广场在哪里。我完全没有头绪要到哪里去散撒心，找回写作的灵感。过了整半个小时，我才决定到 Show Parade 去走走。

我搭上那我已久未搭的”热“巴士。由于没有空调，我只好向自己说：“算了，正所谓心静自然凉。”就这样，我呆在着酷热巴士大约15分钟才抵达目的地。在那陌生的 Show Parade 广场，我只有走马看花的把整个广场都逛了一逛。然后，就在一间保龄球场旁的一家咖啡店休息，上网。当时的我，心情无法定下来，面对着奖学金的作文题发呆，脑袋空荡荡的。为了培养我写作的心情，我只好上网看看别人的文章，同时也找回自己写作的感觉回来。待着待着，我不知不觉呆了两个小时。由于我的电脑累了，但那里有没有插头让他补充精力。我只好收拾东西，往别的地方去。

如此这般的循环一直不断的发生，不断的重复。。。在 Jitra 也一样，只是咖啡店的地点和名字改罢了。除了我能在 Aneka 的 New Town‘s Cafe 里呆上整天，我其余的动作都没有改变。无非是为了写作文罢了，还要弄到别个州去，当真是大惊小怪，小题大做。但，这就是我，陈冠廷。

曾经有位老友笑我说：”哎，写作那么麻烦，干脆别再浪费时间啦！你又不是要去当作家，靠笔等饭吃。“ 当然，如果我没有申请美国大学的话，很有可能我连写几行字都懒惰。我不是在讲平时随便乱写乱画的日记哦！因为，申请美国大学的文章都必须要有内涵，也要老老实实地把自己的经历都一一写在纸上（或打进电脑里）。就好像我现在写的部落格，我笔写我口，我口说我心。这句话是我从刘墉老师的《世说心语3之成功学习法》所学到的写作精华。

写作已经慢慢成了我的爱好，我寻找自己的方法。写作让我更能把我脑袋里头的想法更清晰的表达出来。
虽然写作很吃时间，但是我就这样悄悄地爱上写作了。

罢了。。。累了。。。够了。。。
我应该把集中力放在大考上了，别再这里罗哩罗嗦，胡说八道了。。。
有句话唐伯虎的话最能表达我现在的心情。

“别人笑我太疯癫，我笑他人看不穿！”
哎。。。！当真都在胡说八道啊！呵呵呵！

REAL STORIES

2009-09-22T10:02:00.002-06:00

I was just an ordinary and typical Malaysian boy who blocked his imagination and dreams light years away from his mind. But, I had changed my attitude until I found The Secret – The Law of Attraction. It really lifted up my imagination and inspired me a lot.

Before 2008, October, I had never thought of studying overseas just after my high school. I started to change my mind set while I saw my buddy, Ghoon Hoong had gone all out to fight for his dream to study in the United Kingdom. Then, I found out about the education system of the United States where it would be the paradise for me to discover deeply about my passion and a perfect platform for me to learn from multiracial people from all over the world. Furthermore, the most exciting thing is that the liberal arts education system provided there and I was glad that I found it out.

After months of thorough research and deep thinking, I had made up my mind and I told my parents that I wanted to go to the States for my undergraduate degree. I remember that my parents were surprised of my intention and felt sorry because they could not effort me to be studying there. I explained to them that I would be funded by the college or the university itself if I am admitted. I went to so many talks, exhibitions, education fairs and seminars (anything about studying in the United States.) – That’s how bad I wanted it. I found out that U.S. colleges/ universities will not accept someone merely because they got a good score on the SAT. It takes so much more like the application essays, teacher evaluation letters, school report transcripts as well as the short questions’ answers. My chance was slimmer which I was definitely applying as an international student who applies for financial aid as well. The chance of getting a place is like finding a specific needle in the Pacific Ocean. But, I knew everything it took and I used the knowledge to my advantage.

Not long ago, I met a couple of counselors who counsel students in applying to the top universities/ colleges in U.S., including Ivies. I introduced myself via email and didn’t really pay too much attention on it. A few months later, they replied me and I was really exuberant when I saw their email pop up in my inbox. It was really a gift for me. Later on, we met up and chatted about an hour long. I told them about my family financial status and I was so surprised and grateful that they promised in giving me comprehensive counseling for FREE! On that day I met them, I knew I had attracted them into my life because I had been thinking for it intensely for quite some period. I knew I had opened my path to my dream and they are the key people who would help me realizing it. It’s so COOL!

After few more months, we finalized together my shortlisted of schools that I am applying. In my heart, my first choice on my list was St. John’s College. I love it due to its unique philosophy of liberal arts education. I told everyone I talked to, new friends and old friends that I would be attending the St. John’s College. The response was almost ALWAYS the same: “Wow, isn’t U.S. universities expensive? Don’t you have to be very smart? Isn’t it hard to get in?” They would wish me good luck in a “you really need it” tone. I never let this sway me.

Before every day I slept, my e – calendar would remind me of flying to Annapolis on 2010, AUGUST 22 for St. John’s College 2010 FALL intake. I felt elated with power every time and slightly wet in my eyes. (because I could FEEL the JOY with so much intensity – how would I feel when I came to that day?)

When it came time for me to apply, I was more stressed out than I had ever been in my life, but I still continued to tell people that I would be going there. Sometimes a thought would creep in my head, saying: “What if I’ve been telling people that I am going there and then I don’t get in?” Every time I’d stop and say “No, I will not let myself think those thoughts and I would continue to imagine and feel the feeling of coming home and seeing the acceptance letter sitting on the table. I would also imagine the dramatic moment, when I would have my family and friends saying Good Byes when I am about to board the plane to Annapolis for St. John’s.

On 2010, AUGUST 22, I was in KLIA Airport waiting to board the plane to Annapolis. When I read back what I am writing today, I felt every feeling that I had felt previously in my mind – only magnified.

My parents, who have been supporting me even they did not really understand what I am pursuing, they are now here for me and waiting together with me for my plane to depart. My best buddies, who have been my spirit light to keep me enlighten and stepping on my spiritual feet, they are also here to give me Good Bye Hugs. Last but not least, even my lovely and helpful counselors are here to wish me luck. Seriously, without their support, no matter emotionally, physically, or spiritually, I would not reach where I am now by my own.

I feel so happy and grateful now that my dream has come true. I have never wanted anything more in my life until now. I have never KNOWN something more intensely. I KNOW that St. John’s College is the place for me, is my home in the States ( I guess the Universe knows too.)

Guan Tyng

Written: (9/21/09, 0138 hr)

Edited/ Typed: (9/22/09, 0220 hr)

My Dream.. My Goal... My Aim... Here I come!!!!

2009-08-26T01:11:00.000-06:00

JUNE 27, it was the day I departed from my home city, Ampang to a very rural and small town to enroll myself to a local public university, UniMAP.

At the first few weeks, I felt miserable and frustrated, by the slow pace mentality of the people here, I felt that I came to a wrong place where people do not practice punctuality, I felt lonely and no one here could share my views of life and my way of doing things.

However, my view changed as I went through many things in Perlis.

I performed at the Orientation Night where my singing skills were appreciated ; I joined the Bakti Siswa where I got a foster family in Kg. Cermai Jelepok; I joined SUKSIS (Volunteered Core Polis Force) to find back the value of punctuality.

Even most of the activities, lecture classes, laboratory experiments and etc. are far out of my expectations, I am grateful to be here. Here I have the precious opportunity to challenge myself to work with poeple who have different perspectives of time management as I understand that not everyone in this world is that concern about punctuality. Not everyone had a chance to be trained to be discipline and to be passionate.

My dream is to get myself to St. John's College in Annapolis, Maryland, United States. This dream was once dissolved; luckily, I know a few of inspiring friends and counselors. I am so happy that they understand me and keep on pushing me to pursue my dream. Most importantly, my parents and my brother are always with me, supporting me either financially or emotionally. Albeit they all do not really understand what kind of application process I am going through now, they always trust me and provide me whatever I need to be able to strive for my dream.

In UniMAP, though I do not have anyone who are as understanding as my close friends and my family, I still have some friend who I can hang out with. I wish to show my gratitude to all my peers and seniors who know my plan and keep on asking about my progress, some even give me a little verbal support.

Lately, I have been reading a book, The Success Principle, written by Jack Canfield and Janet Switzer. The book said that we have to see everything in our life as an opportunity. So, I just follow it to be an inverse paranoid. And, this kind of attitude make me feel great as I encounter everything here in my life. I see my bad bus service (which often late) as a great opportunity to train my patience; I see my lecturer using Bahasa Malaysia to teach the English as a chance for me to train my mind in translating the lecture every minute in the class;

Now, I am TAB-ing (Taking A Break) to write this post. After TAB-ing, I would recharge myself with the support from my friends and family, with the advices of my counselors and with the passion of chasing for my dream.

Haha... it is a very dreamy dreamy day... :)

Chocked "KUALA LUMPUR"

2009-05-12T06:05:00.004-06:00

This is an article born of two "busy-body". We sent it to the Star Metro but until now it's not seen. So, I just post it here first to share our views with you.

Info Gathering: Tan Guan Tyng
Written by Cheh Ghoon Hoong

The recent initiative by Federal Territories Minister, Raja Nong Chik to revamp the KL transport system is laudable. People yearn for a congestion-free KL and thus a more efficient transport system is needed. Action speaks louder than words. I hope that this long-awaited revamp would take flight instead of ending up on the drawing board.

The frequencies of buses and trains must be increased. There must be public buses at least every 10 minutes in urban areas and every 15 minutes for suburban areas. Areas with low bus frequencies are viz., Hulu Langat, Damansara, Puchong, Segambut, Kepong, Sentul, Petaling Jaya, Subang Jaya and Shah Alam. On the other hand, the frequency of the KTM Komuter must also be increased. The KTM Komuter is available every 20 minutes on average but it is too long for many people. Besides, the schedule itself is not accurate as the train often arrives late. It should be available at least every 10-15 minutes. I suggest that KTM should adopt the computerized system used by the Kelana Jaya LRT. The computer systems, if implemented, must be monitored at all times to prevent long delays caused by breakdowns.

Apart from that, I support the idea of having an autonomous centralized authority to operate the transport system. RapidKL has utilized the Touch ‘n Go card as a travel card but it can’t be used in other buses such as Metrobus and SJ Bus. Why not use the Touch ‘n Go card as the main Travel Card for all buses and trains like what Hong Kong is doing with their Octopus Card? In addition, there should be cheaper fares for Travel Card users so that more people will travel by public transport. Besides that, the daily price capping system in London ought to be considered too. Daily price capping is the most that will be charged a day when one uses the Travel Card a.k.a. Oyster Card to pay as one takes the bus, underground, etc.

Next, public buses should not stop at places where there is no bus stop. They get annoying when they stop at certain areas to pick up passengers. Furthermore, people may not know where to board a bus as there is no bus stop there. If that place really is a bus stop, why not construct a shaded bus stop there? In addition, maintenance in the train service is poor. Stations should have more maps and clearer directions. The announcement system and countdown timer at some stations have already spoilt. The blur announcements in the trains only made matters worse. Frequent maintenance must also apply to public buses to minimize breakdowns.

Last but not least, the progress of any changes in the transport system must be made known to the public through the mass media. The people need and have the right to know what the authorities are doing. In my opinion, the publicity concerning this issue still has plenty of room for Improvement. For example, the recent talks about the Plaza Rakyat abandoned project must be publicized properly so that the rakyat can keep track of it.

A better transport system means a lot not only to tourists but especially to city dwellers who are forced to endure frustrating traffic congestions daily. A lot of people are pessimistic on the revamp of our transport system. Hence, it is up to the authorities to earn our confidence back.

《初恋》

2009-04-23T08:42:00.000-06:00

《初恋》（不能说的秘密 - 改版）
作词：陈冠廷
作曲：周杰伦

第一次看见你的脸

在我脑海依旧清晰可见

从前未有过的感觉

在我心里开始慢慢浮现

最美的不是下雨天

而是曾与你度过的时间

上学每一天

看着校门口等你的出现

#（CHORUS）

这首歌唯独为你一个人而写

那画也充满了我个人的感觉

你用你的言语

对我冷漠淡言

不知道你究竟对我什么感觉

这首歌唯独为你一个人而写

或许命运的签只让我们遇见

你是我的初恋

我曾经的暗恋

你是我最爱我这一生之中。。。
最深刻情恋。。。
##

尽量不与你在相见
尝试忘却我对你的单恋

自从对你表白一切
让我心病好转了许些

不要再想念你的美
更渴望能有一杯忘情水

事实的画面
我对你的感觉完全没有退减
#

这首歌词是我在2008年5月有感而发而写的。。。
哈哈！直到现在才把它放上网来。。。

人生哲理

2008-08-21T06:50:00.004-06:00

生命是一条奔腾不息的河，
依靠内在的力量，
在曲折中不断的涌动，
它的起源，
也许是叶草上滴落的晨露，
也许是石缝间渗出的清泉，
也许是冰峰的欢笑，
也许是云岭的哭泣。

我相信“人之初，性本善”。
生命之河开始总是纯净的，
天真地闪着梦幻，
倒映着一路风光。
然后，
渐渐地被丰富，
也被污染。。。。。。

快乐是在心灵原野上开放的花朵。
快乐，赋予生命以色彩和芳香。
没有快乐的地方，
往往缺乏温馨和生机，
甚至变得疯狂而又冷酷。

My First Priority...

2008-07-19T22:21:00.003-06:00

Days have gone... The countdown of the STPM is so near... (less than 4 months)...
But, I am not ready yet... Haha, and I am still taking 5 subjects...

Yeah, 5 subjects which there are Physics, Biology, Chemistry, Mathematics T and Pengajian Am.
Honestly speaking, I am not ready for all... Not even one subject that I am now 100 % A if you let me take the exam right now, which this really makes me nervous...

I have been putting my concentration on my co-curriculum at school, my emotional fluctuation and other stuff instead of studying and doing homework, This situation is not helping me in my academics, more over, it worsen my results and deflect my concentration...

At times, I feel like I cannot do it and follow others who had dropped one subject...

However, deeply in my heart.... I can feel that and I can listen that clearly....
I Can Do It!!!!!!
It is the matter of I want to or not... And it is the matter of am I willing to spend all my time and give up my full commitment or not... Like what I have done for my society...

So, no matter what... by hook or by crook... I am going to do it....

My Dream, My Aim, My Goal, My Destiny......

5 A's Band 6..... I am coming.....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you all the people who support me, my family, my friends, my teachers.... Thank You

I will do it..... and Just do it man!!!!! :)

2008-06-29T01:59:00.005-06:00

上个星期六，我正要去学校。。。

幸好，我爸他很早就要出门，所以我就可以搭个顺风车到KLCC的轻快铁站。。

当时，我5.55 am 就到了。。

（唉，太早了。。）

不过也好，我有机会看看轻快铁刚开始营业的情况。。。哈哈。。。真无聊！

当我再等着地铁时，我看到上面的时间。。咦！是6.01。。。我就有了一些莫名其妙的遐想。。

哈哈，我想啊。。。在这繁忙的吉隆坡都市里，有几个有机会看到“LRT的“日出” ” 。。。

我还算是个非常幸运的一位吧！

想一下，在一个四周无人，自有强悍冷气的声音的LRT里。。。对于一位好像我那样喜欢独处的感觉的人来说，是一种极大的享受。。。我也就在那里，一边慢慢地蹬着车，一边看着我更我弟弟从中国买来的书。。。那本书叫着，《一个孤独的人的遐想》。。

最近，我在我的心灵上受到了我人生第一次的创伤。。。而使得我慢慢开始常常喜欢一个人在一个舒适的环境下，品尝着独自感觉，也在我的脑海里想着自己的一路以来所走的路。。。现在正走着的路，以及在未来所要走的路。。。

有时，我在想，是不是我太纪人忧天了。。。还是我太过于在意自己选择的路。。。人生究竟是什么啊？

刚刚，我收到了一封email，还蛮有意思的。。。

“已经失去的不妨让它失去，至少不再耽于等待。
你在一生中，可以有所作为的时候只有一次。那就是现在，然而，许多人却在悔恨过去和担忧未来之中浪费了大好时光。”

这真的非常适合我现在的心情。。。也给了我一个极大的鼓励。。。

好！加油吧！为我的梦想，我的目标，我的使命。。。加油吧！！

Close to death...... !!!!!

2008-06-13T18:21:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, the 13 of June 2008, is the day that I will remember forever throughout my life. It was a very scary, dreadful and terrifying experience was very... very... very close to death, VERY CLOSE !!!

Anyway, I am still alive now. I am still able to get back home and sleep until today and even go for my computer to write my feelings... my fearful experience yesterday.

The story starts...

(13Th June 2008)

Yesterday was the first day that our class was freed from EXAM STRESS.... and we were doing to do the 2Nd - Rat Dissection today.
We were to show the important organs, vessels like artery and etc. to our Biology teacher to fulfill our task in certain experiments.

We were going to kill 20 rats and I was the one who ordered the rat for us... And at times, I feel very guilty and pity for the cute rats. Then, as usual we put all the rats in the dustbin and we launch the "Ether Bomb" - - cotton wool wet with petroleum ether in the covered bin.

At first, the rats were suffering and struggle. Some of them even climbed up to the cleft of the bin as we opened it a little bit. At that moment, I felt vey sorry for them.
After a few minutes, there were no more vibrating on the bin. Then, we took out all the rats and distribued to everyone. Then, everyone started to dissect their own respective rat and finished the tasks given. The whole experiment went on well and by around 11.30 p.m., we were aready cleaning up.

As for me, after I had cleaned my dissection set and my own table. I saw there most of my classmates have cleaned up. Then, I went for the dustbin bin as there was no mor other rubbish to be thrown. I wore another pair of gloves and tied up the rubbish plastic bag and went to the rubbish dumping site to throw the organic waste, including all the dead, dissected bodies of the rats.

After throwing the waste, I hurried back to the Bio. Lab to take my stuff then back to my class upstairs. As I arrived my class, I went down again to photostate the interviews questionnaires which will used after school for the interviews of our Science and Mathematics Society.

As I was walking back from the photostate shop, I feel veryuncomfortable. My brain started to feel pain and my body energy started to lower down. I thought it might be just the effect that I didn't sleep well for the few days of the exam (which I slept around 3 - 4 hurs per day). So, I didn't bother. I thought I would be fine afte taking a nap.

However, when I was stepping up the staircase, I felt great pressure in doing so. It was like there was no energy in my body. I slowly climbed up to the third floor, but, my leg suddenly went soft and the only thing that I could do was lying down on the staircase. I slowly realised that was not only the effect of the sleeplessness. Then, I thought it might be the inhalation of the Petroleum ETHER GAS.
After a few more minutes, I stood up by the aid of the stairs handle. Then, I walked motionlessly to my class.

As I sat down on my chair, my brain cells were so painful that I couldn't stand it. At the same time, I felt that my breath was not smooth. I tired to breathe hard but there was no air going in as if there was something chocking in my throat. I felt very scared ad threaten. I was very dizzy and felt like dowsing off. But, I feard to do so, I scared that I would not be able to get up after the sleep... ... ... forever... ... ... as I was sure that it was the side effect of the dreadful ETHER.

I tried to calm down myself and breathe really hard for air, but failed. I could only breathe a small portion of air in my lungs, which was not enough to purify the ether gas. Then, my hand started to shiver and I could not move my hand. I had no strengh at all.

Then, one of my friend pulled my chair near to the fan to give me more air exposure. I tried to breathe hard agian, but it only help a little.

Later, a few of my classmates suggested to carry me to the PBSM room. I refused initially but at the end they carried me. By the time they arried me near to the staircase, Ifelt very discomfort as my breath was even harder. So, theyput put down on the floor. I had zero strength and my hands and legs started to become numb. I felt really useless of myslef at that moment, like an ordinary dust floating in the air. I felt that death is coming to me. I felt that my head was bursting like millions of atomic boom being planted in every corner in my brain and exploding continuously! (I think that the feelings of the rat when they were killed by us.......)
I was really scared... scared that I will never see all my loved ones anymore... my family, my friends, my teacher and this beautiful world... I really feared that I would just leave this world just like that, without achieving anything, without discovering anything... I felt that the gate of Death was just in front of me and ready to open. My eyes were becoming blurer and blurer and I was about to passed out.

Then, one of my mates slapped my face and called my name, " Don't sleep, Guan Tyng, don't sleep!!" At the moment I heard his voice, I quickly made myself awake but I had to stand on the dreadful pain. I was in the verge of dowsing off and chronic pain.

Later, I noticed that some of my mates brought the strecher from the PBSM room. Then, they carried me by using that strecher. My breath became harder and harder. I hardly can see anyone beside me. But, I heard one very funny voice which was, "Eh, very heavy lar....!" I know who was that and even though it's a bit of teasing, that wake me up a bit.

Then, we arrived at the PBSM room. I saw one of the U6A teacher was beside me and carried me to sit together with my friends. She used her finger to rub my throat in order to stimulate me to vommit. Then, I vommitted continously into a bin. I felt very pain in my stomach and my head as well. I could feel that my tears were dripping out from my eyes due to the great pain.

After vommiting all my breakfast into the bin, I felt much better. I could breathe again! ( It feels really great to be able to breathe.) Then, I breathed very hard and deep to compensate for the unability of breathing before. However, my hands and legs were still numb and cold. I thought, "I need glucose!" So, I tried to ask for it but I noticed that I hardly can speak any word. Luckily, the teacher and my friends heard what I said. Later, one of my friend brought me 100 plus. The teacher gave me little by little bit. At that time, the pain in my brain started to lower down. Slowly, my eye sight was clearer and I could identify my friends. Anyway, I still could not speak properly as my strengh was very low.

After don't know how long, I slowly could see clearer of my surroundings. Then, I felt like meditating, so I asked for it. Then, my friends and the teacher helped me to sit up, I started to meditate and do strecthing to keep my body warm and my metabolism high.

Then, I heard someone asking of calling the ambulance and my parents, I cried out and said, "No!" I didn't want to worry my parents of this incident. But, of course, they called finally.

Then, I asked for standing as I wanted to feel that I am back to normal. My friends helped me to stand... I tried my best to but still I hardly had enough energy to stand still. But, my brain kept on telling me, stand up and everything shall be over..... I tried very hard again and finally I could do it. Then, I wanted to walk but one of the teacher insisted me to sit down on a wheel chair. She explained to me that my brain wasn't working well as the petroleum ether was disturbing the activity of the neurotransmitter in my brain. So, I accepted her suggestion of going to the hospital for a detailed check up to aviod any side effects.

Then, a paramedic came and pushed me on the wheel chair to the ambulance. Then, he carried me up to the ambulance. One of my friend followed me on the ambulance. He told me that every great man had failed themselvesbefore. The point is they strengthened up again after being failed. When I heard that, I felt better in my heart and it was really touching. But, I tried my best to control my tears as I didn't want to be weak again.

In minutes, we had arrived the hospital. I was carried by the paramedics to the emergency ward and my friends went to register for me. Then, my thought became clearer and I started to think what had happend before I came in.

In the hospital, I refreshed my mind to call back what was happening. Then, I went for an X-ray photographing. I slowly called back my mind during the period.

Then, don't know how long have passed. my Biology teacher and my friends came to see me. I felt very touched and I really thanked them for saving my life and visitting me.
I felt cared deeply in my heart and about to cried out, but I controled. I did not know what to say to them other than " Thank You".... Without them, I might not be here anymore. I might be seeing my bother who died years ago and not sitting here to write this blog.

Later, my mom came. She looked very worried. Then, she went to fetch my another brother from school since I had to wait for the doctor report.

By around 4 p.m., the doctor said I could go, my report was all good. At that moment, I felt relaxed as I finally back to normal. Then, my freind sent me back to the school to get my bags and I waited my mom to pick me up.

And, that's the end of my helf-dead experience of ETHER gas inhalation.

And now, I really thank all my friends that saved me, gave me support by visiting me in the hospital, and sent me messenges to ask for my situation and the teachers that help me to vommit, to call my parents and the ambulance, to persuade me to go to hospital.

Friends who saved me:-
Jonathan
Zhuan
Kenneth
Eugene

Teacher who saved and helped me to call my parents and the ambulance:
Pn. Lim
Pn. See
Pn. Felicia

Friends who visited me in the hospital:
Jonathan
Zhuan
Kenneth
Soon Hong
Adeline
Davina

And also to all my friends who had sms me.....

"THANK YOU ALL!!!!!
I REALLY APPRECIATE.... I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GIVE ANYTHING IN RETURN BUT I CAN JUST SAY THANK YOU FOR BEING WITH ME AND SAVE ME FROM DEATH..... I NEARLY CANNOT SEE ALL OF YOU ANYMORE! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!! "

Something that is nice to share...

2008-05-29T09:47:00.003-06:00

These are some sentences that i extracted from a book......

"
Put your whole mind in your present action

You canot act where you are not; you cannot act where you have been, and you cannot act where you are going to be; you can act only where you are.

Do not bother as to whether yesterday's work was well done or ill done; do to-day's work well.

Do not try to do tomorrow's work now; there will be plenty of time to do that when you get to it.

Do not try, by occult or mystical means, to act on people or things that are out of your reach.

Do not wait fr a change of environment, before you act; get a change of environment by action.

You can so act upon the environment in which you are now, as to cause yourself to b transferred to a better environment.

Hold with faith and purpose the vision of yourself in the better environment, but act upon your present environment with all your heart, and with all your strength, and with all your mind.

Do not spend any time in day dreaming or castle building; hold to the one vision of what you want, and act NOW.

Do not cast about seeking some new thing to do, or some strange, unusual, or remarkable action to perform as a first step toward getting rich. It is probable that your actions, at least for some time to come, will be those you have been performing for the some time past; but you are to begin now to perform these actions in the Certain Way, which will surely make you rich in any aspect."

I wrote this out because I think it's quite meaningful and useful. Just wanna share something I think is nice... haha...

My Recent Feelings....

2008-05-27T20:09:00.002-06:00

As this is the space to express myself, i would like to start sharing my most unforgetable feelings which had poured in my heart and my mind in the beginning of this month...

It was about 5th or 6th of May...

I wrote something that was enough to express my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts...
After i have read some book in my school library...

Outside, you see me smiling like a baby,
And floating through each day,
A little tired, a little thin, a little restless, a little dumb,
But overal, Fine...

But you don't hear my aguished thoughts
which surface every night like devils...
They plauge me, haunt me, torment me,
'Til I am too weak to fight...

And so, next day, I came to school,
With deeply heavy body and shadowed eys,
I smile, laugh and speak normally,
Haha... Living a pack of lies...

A silent scream echoes inside,
Reaction to my lie -
'Til with no warning, it erupts,
And I crumble down and cry soundless deeply in my weaken heart...

Oh, come find me, help me, my dear, make it stop,
No! Keep out! Go away! As far as you can...
For if you come,
I have no control,
over the words I say and the thoughts i express...

Can't you hear my silent scream,
Decipher what I hide?
So please come and kindly ask me,
"What's wrong?",
Come sit down by my side...

If nothing else please read through,
This tangled web I weave,
For you are really my guiding light,
which has abandon me for quite a period...
Please hold me! Let me cry freely and say to me,
"Somehow, you will make it right."...

Perhaps, deep down, I know what's wrong,
What keep me up awake,
What is the source of my tears,
And the origins of my... Heartache...

But not yet can I feel it,
Or maybe I just know it,
Please someone help me understand,
The Universe only knows I don't...

This was the sentences that really expressed my feelings... Anyway, I am a lot better of all the feelings that i had before... Just that I want to share my deepest heart to people who know me or about to know me... But from the things happened throughout this month, will be the most of this year which has taught me to be more realistic and understand more about "what life is"...

Some of the phrases above maybe familiar to some of you who read enough, which i have used some of them that they really suits my feeling...

I hope and I really hope I can go through all the obstacles of my life... which i must achieve my goals of my life...

FEEL GOOD... And thank you for spending time reading my thoughts... I appreacite it... :)

And, Be Happy Always... For you, for my family, for others and for myself...

First Wave......

2008-05-27T19:58:00.000-06:00

Hey all.... welcome to my blog...

I am sure most of the people who view my blog already know who am i....
If not, never mind... you are most welcome to leave message here and get to know more about me... HAHA...

For my past, i have not tried to have my own personnal blog and this is my first... Anyway, I love to try new stuff and learn new things... so, now i start to BLOG.....

Due to some technical problem, i still cannot upload my photos....

Anyway, please give me any comment on me or even on the blog to let me further improve myself as well as further enhance this blog... :)